Winner of the AASECT Sexuality Professionals Book Award for General Audience

A sex therapist’s playful, affirming, and informative guide to exploring desire differences between kinky and nonkinky, or “vanilla,” partners

With Sprinkles on Top offers a positive and empowering resource for talking about and working through sexual differences—particularly between kinky and vanilla partners. With more than 80 percent of adult couples in the US reporting desire discrepancies between partners, and many people holding fantasies they don’t feel comfortable sharing, With Sprinkles on Top offers much-needed support. As Dr. Stefani Goerlich makes clear—vanilla can be delicious… and so can kink! Focusing on communication and connection, this guide helps you find the sprinkles that can enhance your relationship.




With empathy and understanding, Dr. Goerlich addresses hopes and fears on both sides of a desire divide and provides shame-free guidance for relationships of different shapes and orientations. Here you’ll find:




• Helpful information about BDSM and kink—what it is, its effects on relationships, what a partner’s interest might imply… or not!
• Worksheets and questionnaires to help each partner explore their desires, what turns them on, when they might feel open to experimentation, and how to talk about it
• Setting boundaries—tips for feeling safe and drawing the line with care
• Guidance for staying true to yourself, satisfying your partner, and finding new delights together
• Insights and guidance on what “normal” and “kinky” actually mean, bringing imagination into the bedroom, polyamorous possibilities, and much more




As Dr. Goerlich writes, “The vanilla people that I work with tell me that they want relationships built on mutual love, respect, understanding, gentleness, and trust. Funnily enough, the kinky people I work with tell me the same thing… just that they want the ‘gentleness’ aspect to be negotiable.” With Sprinkles on Top affirms that vanilla and kinky people can thrive together—and offers practical solutions for protecting, preserving, and strengthening your relationship.