All Toddlers Are Scorpios Audiobook By Johanna Gohmann, Emily Flake cover art

All Toddlers Are Scorpios

An Astrological Guide to Your Adorable Tiny Terror

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All Toddlers Are Scorpios

By: Johanna Gohmann, Emily Flake
Narrated by: Johanna Gohmann
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In the spirit of There Are Moms Way Worse Than You and Go the F**k to Sleep, humor writer Johanna Gohmann channels the chaos and charm of life with a toddler into this hilarious astrology guide.

“Charming, funny, and most importantly: cathartic.” —Glenn Boozan, New York Times bestselling author of There Are Moms Way Worse Than You

Parenting can be one of the most magical, hilarious, and maddening experiences known to humankind. One minute your little wonder is blowing you kisses, the next they’re licking the neighbor’s car. This book is for every parent who has ever felt like they’ve slipped through the space-time continuum while waiting for a small child to put on their shoes, or for the caregiver who can’t believe the heart-crushing love they feel for someone who just threw yogurt in their face. This is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with someone who cackles when you break your toe and insists on wearing oven mitts to bed.

Blending parental exasperation with cosmic insight, Gohmann breaks down toddler personalities by zodiac sign—offering a starry-eyed (and slightly frazzled) look at the joys and mysteries of raising tiny humans. The profiles of each zodiac sign include sections dedicated to best (and worst!) toddler playdate matches; toddler's preferred music, snacks, and toys; parent-child zodiac compatibility; and hilarious illustrations throughout from cartoonist Emily Flake. Whether you are raising a tenacious Taurus, a balanced Libra, or, yes, a hell-raising Scorpio, this is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with a tiny terror. Astrology Infants & Toddlers Motherhood Parenting & Families Relationships Spirituality Funny Witty Heartfelt Toddler
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Not only is this book hilarious, but I think one of the brilliant things it’s doing is using astrology—that tool adults reach for when we’re desperately trying to make meaning of ourselves—and applying it to toddlers, who are also busy being tiny, chaotic mysteries. It’s such a perfect frame, because figuring out a toddler’s emotions and actions is both the parent’s job and, somehow, the toddler’s full-time job too.

May the hilarity continue, and may none of us ever fully succeed. Toddlerhood is honestly my favorite age. There is something wonderful about living alongside a little woodwose for a while—especially when I can hand them back to their parent after they’ve wounded my Libran sense of aesthetic balance.

About Tiny Chaotic Mysteries—and Those of Us Who Love Them

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