The Session: When Your Spouse is Unfaithful - Part 2

Psalm 51:10-12, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”

After The Affair - 10 Steps Toward Healing, from Leslie Vernick

1. Does the spouse who committed adultery take ownership and repent for his or her choice without blaming?

2. Is there a willingness on the part of the adulterer to do the work of self-examination to understand better what happened and look at the deep heart issues?

3. Is there genuine sorrow for the pain he/she has caused the spouse?

4. Is the adulterous spouse willing to sit with his/her spouse and really listen to the hurt and heartache over this and show compassion, empathy and care no matter how long it takes?

5. Is the injured spouse willing to forgive even if right now he/she doesn’t know how to do that?

6. Is the injured spouse willing to take a hard look at ways he/she may have contributed to neglect in the marriage or other unresolved problems that created emotional distancing to develop?

7. Is the injured spouse willing to be honest with her feelings of sadness, hurt, anger and do the hard work to work through them and move past them?

8. Is the injured spouse willing to acknowledge the positive changes his/her spouse is making toward rebuilding trust and healing the marriage?

9. Is the couple able to tolerate that the healing process goes in fits and starts; it isn’t a smooth ride?

10. Is the spouse who committed adultery willing to be patient with the process as his/her spouse struggles to let it go, gets retriggered with old memories or current reminders, or can’t immediately feel trust or warm feelings for his/her spouse?

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To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.