Down the Rabbit Hole Audiobook By Holly Madison cover art

Down the Rabbit Hole

Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny

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Down the Rabbit Hole

By: Holly Madison
Narrated by: Holly Madison
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The real, untold, and unvarnished story of life inside the legendary Playboy Mansion—and the man who holds the key—from the woman who was Hef’s #1 girlfriend and star of The Girls Next Door. Read by Holly Madison herself!

A spontaneous decision at age twenty-one transformed small-town Oregon girl Holly Sue Cullen into Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s #1 girlfriend. But like Alice in Wonderland after she plunged down the rabbit hole, what seemed like a fairytale life inside the Playboy Mansion—including A-list celebrity parties and her own #1-rated television show—quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies. Losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.

But instead of ending her life, Holly chose to take charge of it.

In this shockingly candid and surprisingly moving memoir, this thoughtful and introspective woman opens up about life inside the Mansion, the drugs, the sex and the infamous parties, as well as what her relationships with her Girls Next Door co-stars, Bridget and Kendra were really like. Holly talks candidly about a subsequent abusive relationship, her own successful television series, and the hard work of healing, including her turn on Dancing with the Stars. A cautionary tale and a celebration of personal empowerment, Down the Rabbit Hole reminds us of the importance of fighting for our dreams—and finding the life we deserve.

This unflinching Hollywood tell-all reveals:

  • Life Inside the Mansion: From A-list parties to the oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and backstabbing bunnies that pushed a young woman to her breaking point.
  • The Girls Next Door: The real, unvarnished truth about her relationships with co-stars Bridget and Kendra, away from the reality TV cameras.
  • Raw Honesty: A shockingly candid look at losing her identity and self-worth—and the moment in a bathtub that changed everything.
  • Personal Empowerment: A powerful journey of healing, taking charge of her own narrative, and fighting for the life she deserved after walking away.
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During the early 2000s my best friend and I (freshly out of high school) idolized The Girls Next Door. We bought the simultaneously sexy and wholesome act hook, line, and sinker. Although one got the feeling it wasn't perpetual sunshine and roses, it's clear life at the mansion was darker than it seemed.

Now that I'm approaching 30, this tell-all journey of personal mistakes and self discovery resonates with me on a different level. Despite her fame, and perhaps infamy, Holly's relatable struggles in her romantic and professional lives provided a humorous but thoughtful expose fraught with "mean girls", magicians, mansions, and more.

Holly is charming, although occasionally awkward in her phrasing, but decidedly mature and candid. Her "Alice in Wonderland" theme is nicely appointed by well chosen quotes at the begin of each chapter. This is the first memoir I've ever read, but I'm very glad I did. All together very interesting, and even slightly nostalgic.

"Mean girls", magicians, mansions, and more!

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this is a must read for any aspiring bunny. the grass isn't always green or glamorous on the other side as one thinks.

I loved the book!! a must read! you won't regret

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If you were at all a fan of The Girls Next Door, you will want to snag this read. I will admit I was addicted to the show and found it a rather entertaining reality show. Holly was not a favorite, but I did not fully dislike her. According to her, from this book, she was playing a part and was not actually obsessed with Hef. Take that as you will, she makes many such claims throughout the book.

It is interesting getting the behind the scenes of the Playboy Mansion and the show in general. It is a very slanted view, Holly seems a touch bitter about things at times. Here is the deal, you are living in this guy’s mansion, he is providing everything for you, and yet you say you feel trapped. Trapped by your own greed or quest for fame? She says she had to stay because she had no other options, um none other than getting out there and getting a job and paying your own way? I just cannot feel sorry for her. You were dating him, so yeah he will expect sex. You are living in his house, so yeah he can make rules for living there. It is the whole golddigger mindset I disagree with. She had options, she decided not to take them, instead she blames the old man for keeping her locked in a gilded cage.

I did enjoy hearing the dynamic of the relationship between the girls. The harem before the show sounded like a group of mean girls vying for the Queen Bee spot. Again, she was in a situation of her making and had plenty of options for an out, she just doesn’t take them because it is easier to be a pampered pet. It was very interesting to hear about the Madame scandal and how many of the girls were involved. Of course, never Holly, she only sleeps with one old man for money.

All the behind the scenes of the show was enlightening. We all know there are things set up just for tv on reality shows. This was no surprise. What was shocking is that the girls were not being paid for doing the show. Ok, I know this sounds like a 360 after what I already said about them being taken care of by Hef. What I am talking about are the union rules that govern TV, even Reality TV. There are set rates they should be paid, however, according to Holly they only received payment for the Playboy shoot and far less than the norm. It would be easy to argue that their wages should have gone to Playboy, because they were footing the bill for everything from room and board to spending money. I am just confused about how they managed things with SAG/AFTRA regulations.

There was one moment in the book that really stood out. The girls were talking to producers about getting paid and signing contracts, they were being “difficult” and were told “you are replaceable.” This is something I highly disagree with, especially because we see how the show flopped later when the girls left. That combination of those three girls really worked, for whatever reason they were entertaining. There was just a natural vibe among them that felt genuine and made you want to watch and route for them, even Holly.

The last part of the book is about how things went after she left the show. An ill-fated romance with Chris Angel, who sounded scary from Holly’s POV. Her own breakout stardom on Dancing with the Stars, her time staring in PeepShow and her own reality show Holly’s World. Through all of her successes she is very I did this on my own, when in reality without having dated Hef, she would not have done any of it. She hates references back to her time with Hef and feels it takes away from her hard fought freedom, again biting the hand that fed her for so very long.

I promise much eye rolling while reading this book. I did the audiobook, because it was something to do on my commute. It is read by Holly, who does a nice job telling her own story. Unlike other celeb bio books, I did not feel like we were pals after the read. She just had too much of a passive aggressive vibe that spilled over into her storytelling. She was also way too concerned in letting us know she isn’t a blonde bimbo, trying to pack as many fifty cent words and smart references in as possible. Is that the real her or a brilliant ghostwriter? We may never know.

Enlightening, sort of...

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This is the story about a girl who has done nothing wrong in her entire life. Amazing you might think! Who is this perfect specimen?? Why, it’s Holly Madison! Let’s dive in.

The 2000’s teen in me was drawn to this book out of pure curiosity. Did I think it was going to be a well written, deep book? No. It’s about a woman who chose to spend 7 years living at the Playboy mansion screwing an old guy because she didn’t have anywhere else to live. In this story, Holly paints herself as a highly intelligent, goody two-shoes living with nasty, drug abusing hookers and a cruel, controlling and manipulating Hef. She exhausts herself as the victim to an eye rolling extent. At first I was bought in. I could see how/why she got there. But frankly, Holly became cruel and bitter towards every single person in her life, aside from Bridgett. Holly could do no wrong but if someone else did exactly what she did, it was cheap, back-stabbing or trashy. She contradicted herself on nearly every page of the book.

With that all said, this was still an enjoyable fluff book. The Alice in Wonderland format of this book set up the story perfectly. It gives you an inside look into a truly odd situation. For that, I appreciated the entertainment and is why I’m on the fence whether I liked or hated this book. Her sugar-coated perfection is absurd. No one in life can be this perfect.

Hell hath no fury like Holly Madison scorned

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I didn't expect much from this book but I was pleasantly surprised. The performance is great and the first part of the book is actually quite insightful. She doesn't victimize herself and tries to explain what she was feeling at the time and why she did certain things. It started dragging on when she got into her life after leaving the mansion and after leaving Criss Angel though. I felt like at that point, she was just desperately trying to show the readers that she's made it. It even felt like she was bragging about her success, her money and her life, which was a turn off. But overall, I'd recommend it!

Dragged on a bit but pleasantly surprised

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