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It's Not You

Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

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It's Not You

By: Ramani Durvasula PhD
Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD, Maria Shriver
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INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism

AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER

It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It’s Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing.

Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them. The first step toward healing from their toxic influence—and to protect yourself from future harm—is to accept that you are not to blame for their behavior.

Drawing on more than two decades of studying the landscape of narcissism and working with survivors, Dr. Ramani explores how narcissists hijack our well-being and offers a healing path forward. Unpacking the oft-misunderstood personality, she reveals the telltale behavioral patterns that indicate you may be dealing with a narcissist. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep you stuck in the cycle, grieve the loss of these painful relationships, create and maintain realistic boundaries, discern unhelpful behaviors from narcissistic behaviors, and recover your sense of self after constant invalidation.

Thriving after, or even during, a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but It’s Not You shows you it is possible. Dr. Ramani invites you to stop blaming yourself and trying to change the narcissistic person, and to start giving yourself permission to let go of their hold on you and finally embrace your true self.

Accolades & Awards

Best of 2024
Most Popular
Best of 2024 Psychology & Mental Health Dysfunctional Relationships Personal Development Abuse Self-Esteem Mental Health Psychology Relationships Dysfunctional Families Inspiring Health Self-Defense Parenting & Families
Comprehensive Healing Guidance • Practical Recovery Strategies • Soothing Narration • Validating Personal Experiences

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Should be a must read for all trauma mental health industries. Beautiful and compassionate approach to survivors (not victims) of abuse. Helpful, hopeful, and vulnerable.

Radical acceptance! Compassionate approach!

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Thoughtfully written, succinct yet detailed. If you have toxic people in your life, this is a must read. You will find insightful explanations and helpful strategies to cope and protect yourself from harm.

Powerful Support for victims of Toxic Abuse

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Dr. Ramini's work, including this book, courageously pushes narcissism and narcissistic abuse into modern psychology and mental health care. Finally, someone identifies, accurately describes, and walks through the experiences of those who have been struggling their entire lives because of these significantly harmful relationship dynamics. My hope is that her work and advocacy of these issues results in better education and practice for counselors, therapists, the legal system, employers, etc., so that those who are affected finally can heal and avoid finding themselves in the dynamics again. Great work, Dr. Ramini! You are making a difference in so many people's lives.

Best book in narcissism and narcissistic abuse

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I’ve felt so misunderstood in my 12 year marriage. I’ve prayed fasted and did all the things but things only got worse. This time when I prayed I felt the Lord was telling me to get this book. I initially thought this couldn’t be God, wouldn’t He tell me to read my Bible more or pray? But wow after listening to it I know this is what I needed and I know God is not joining in with the voices of all my gaslighters. I now feel loved, seen and even more confident about leaving my abusive so called Christian marriage. And the way it’s read by Dr. Ramani herself makes it feel like a soothing therapy session.

Soothing and refreshing

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This is a wonderful addition to authors already wonderfully established domain on this topic! I have consumed this education and verify that the content is valid by my comparable life experiences.

author is great

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