In this episode, Brent joins me as we unpack a dynamic that quietly erodes so many marriages: using love as a reward.

For years, we were stuck in a painful cycle—one of us trying to earn love, the other withholding it. The more we pushed, the more disconnected we became. Resentment built. Criticism increased. Withdrawal followed. And neither of us felt seen, valued, or understood.

What finally changed everything was a simple but confronting shift:

love isn’t something your partner earns—it’s a reflection of who you choose to be.

We’re sharing what that looked like in our relationship, including:

• The criticism-withdrawal cycle we couldn’t break
• How validation-seeking showed up (and backfired)
• The moment we each had to face ourselves honestly
• Why withholding love never creates the change you want
• What it actually looks like to love without conditions (without losing yourself)

This isn’t about ignoring bad behavior or avoiding boundaries. It’s about stepping out of control patterns and choosing how you show up—regardless of what your partner does.

If you’ve ever felt taken for granted, unseen, or stuck in the same arguments on repeat, this conversation will help you see your relationship—and yourself—differently.

And more importantly, it will show you what’s actually within your control to change.