In this episode, John and Jason talk to David, who lays out his story of addiction and recovery so directly and simply that it’s easy to forget just how incredible it is. Part of it is his deep, gravelly voice, which was made for podcasting (he doesn’t do that professionally…yet). But mostly it’s his honesty.

From huffing paint thinner at an early age to daily marijuana use in middle school, David’s addictions led to a stint in rehab before he graduated high school. He relapsed after a year but got sober again at 18 and abstained from drugs and alcohol for 21 years.

But that’s not the whole story. While he was building a life that looked good on the outside, he was still miserable inside. He’d stopped taking the cocaine and booze that made living with his internal darkness tolerable, but he still had a black hole that he hadn’t dealt with, and eventually he relapsed again, and this time he used for 12 years.

Rock bottom hit him hard, and he came back to himself, this time with a desperation that motivated him to be honest, open-minded, and willing to do whatever it took. The results were not instantaneous, but they are miraculous. From psychosis to clarity and from a restraining order to loving reconciliation, David is an inspiring example of a person who surrendered completely and was rewarded with a life beyond his wildest dreams.

Quotes

• “I always kind of felt separate and apart from my family and from others. So when the opportunity came along, I met an older kid in the neighborhood, and I started to experiment with huffing substances.”
• “How does this bitch know I’m miserable?”
• “I mean, it's just like the all-American deal. Met a girl, got married, had a kid, bought a house, got a job. All these cool things happen. But the thing that didn't change deep inside was me fundamentally, I was still this miserable, broken human being with no idea how to live.”
• “I was basically in a gutter… and you’re telling me I’ll get a life beyond my wildest dreams.”
• “For the first time in my life, I finally chose character over comfort.”
• “There is no difference between emotional abuse and physical abuse.”
• “I was no longer alone and separate.”
• “I learned how to be the person I wanted to be.”

Themes

Early Emotional Disconnection Addiction isn’t just about substances. It’s about trying to fix that “separate and apart” feeling before you even have words for it.

Relapse as Unfinished Business: His relapse after 21 years wasn’t random. It was the bill for work he never did coming due.

The Unwelcome Gift of Desperation as Catalyst: Hitting absolute bottom is what made him willing to change.

Accountability and Moral Repair. This is where the real change happens, not in slogans.

Community as Antidote to Isolation: Fellowship replaces the “hole.” Not perfectly, but enough to make life livable.

Spirituality as Practice, Not Theory: Less “divine lightning bolt,” more daily habits that slowly rewire behavior.

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

This is a harrowing story of pain, addiction, recovery, relapse, and redemption. As a child, Serena developed deep feelings of worthlessness, isolation, and emotional pain after losing her father to suicide, her step-father to murder, and suffering childhood sexual abuse. She found ease and comfort from her trauma in drugs and alcohol at an early age. Heavy partying through her twenties started out fun but eventually led to serious consequences, including bad relationships, arrests, fires, and suicide attempts. Finally desperate and hopeless, she committed to getting sober and found a way to keep clean, rebuild her relationships, and help other people.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• Generational Trauma - Father was an alcoholic and died by suicide when she was three.
• Sexual Abuse - A victim of sexual assault as a child and as a young adult, Serena now works to help victims recover.
• Victimhood - Serena no longer pities herself as a victim. Now she finds strength as a survivor.
• Repairing Relationships - Serena is rebuilding relationships with her children and her mother.
• Community - Serena found a home with her Tribe and is learning about the culture of her ancestors
• Relapse and Recovery - After 4 years, Serena struggled with pain meds but found her community welcomed her back with open arms.

Memorable Quotes:

• "I was very comfortable in trauma… it was the only life I knew.”
• “I thought I could drink responsibly… ignoring 20 years of consequences.”
• “I don’t invite God into my day, I invite myself into God’s day. I don’t tell my God how big my problems are—I tell my problems how big my God is.”
• ”My dad was my native side. And so when he died, that died with him. And so in sobriety, coming back and living on the reservation here, I've got to have a new world opened up to me about what my culture is.”
• “If I like something a little, I’m going to love it to death.”

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

In this episode, John and Jason talk to Christopher, who found relief from crippling fear and anxiety in a can of Fosters he stole from his dad’s fridge when he was 14. Partying in High School and college kept going until he realized he should maybe stop about 10 years later. Then he kept going for another decade or so before he finally gave up. We talk about how hard it was for all of us to stand up at our first meeting and admit that we have a problem, and how great it felt when we finally did. Chris also shares about the powerful process of making amends and how doing service helps him. We also talk about the mysterious power of meetings and how this organization that “should never be organized” has thrived for over 90 years, even though it’s run democratically by recovering alcoholics.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

Early Life & Pervasive Fear: Chris discusses the origins of a "pervasive sense of fear" that defined his childhood, growing up in a home with constantly fracturing family dynamics, and feeling "psychotic and different" from everyone else.

The Illusion of Control: How achieving professional success (even as a functional alcoholic) fueled the denial and prolonged his active addiction for 13 years, creating a life where he was always trying to outrun his own brain.

The Ultimate Bottom: The series of events—including his fiancée having her bags packed, a health crisis with his father, and being fired from a bartending job—that finally broke through his self-protection.

The Miracle of the Group: The emotional flood of relief and surrender when he finally spoke in a packed meeting, describing the "thunderous" power he felt when the group greeted him.

Surrendering to Service: The non-negotiable importance of immediate action and service work (GSR, District Chair) to stay out of his own head, and the constant battle with his alcoholic brain to keep moving forward.

Facing the Past: The terrifying yet ultimately miraculous freedom of making amends, which included confronting a boss he had stolen from and a friend he had physically harmed.

Memorable Quotes:

“I just kept thinking the further away from my own brain that I got, the better of a person I could be.”

“I smashed up cars, I smashed up friends, I lost girlfriends, I did things, but I always found a way in my warp brain to blame somebody else.”

“If you lose a job as a bartender because you drink too much, you know, you're pretty much unemployable.”

“So we went to that meeting and I was so scared to walk in because I knew no matter what if I went in there, my life could change.”

“And when I stood up and said, my name's Chris, I'm an alcoholic. And a room full of 60 people said, ‘Chris!’ I felt something greater than myself hit me.”

“Boy, has life changed for the better in a way I never could have possibly imagined.”

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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