Episodes

  • Update Your Sex Maps: Heated Rivalry Culture
    Apr 17 2026

    Heated Rivalry part 2: the cultural analysis. We cover lots of topics here, so get your pen ready to take notes. Class is in session.

    Talking points: do centaurs wear skates?, The Chicago Chandeliers, thank Gd you're gay!, wouldn't call an Oscar a mistake, these handsome young gentlemen, start your own kiss cam, give up vegetables for Lent, lipstick and the Twin Towers, touch Oz at a heated rivalrave

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    56 mins
  • RE-RELEASE! One Boyfriend is Too Much Work: Heated Rivalry
    Apr 14 2026

    Re-releasing this ep for our new project: Checking In.

    We're finally sharing our thoughts on THE book & show of our time, Heated Rivalry. This is part one of at least 3 but probably 100 because there's just so much to say.

    Talking points: greatest regret, my grandpa is Marty Supreme, evil situationships, fictional men are as good as it gets, you're allowed to like things without autism, gay + hockey + secrets = fun.

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    53 mins
  • Smashed Her Like a Bag of Chips: Breaking Dawn
    Apr 10 2026

    You've waited, you've asked, you've begged, and now you're finally getting what you want: the Breaking Dawn episode. (Reposted because of dang copyright)


    Talking points: one big boring book, to be near them was to love them, Mormon brain, Twilight x Freaky Friday, Twilight x Get Out, Twilight x The Little Mermaid, they love a google, monkitude, fucking big ass towel, ice cold popsicle penis, Bella is the villain, undulating body

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    53 mins
  • Is That Your Grandfather?!: Marty Supreme
    Feb 16 2026

    Awards watch: Marty Supreme! Recorded this over a month ago but Riley is a mess, so... here ya go.


    Talking points: look good and be dull, assumptions of Christianity, SCHWEP, NYU chlamydia, it's been a busy day, crying at a baby, getting your bottom spanked publicly, Slurpee

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    58 mins
  • I Lost My Virginity at Jacob's Kiss: Eclipse
    Nov 21 2025

    We've made it to 3 out of 4! It's Jenny's favorite: Eclipse.


    Talking points: long khaki skirts, wearing Jacob Black's wig, if I were Stephanie Meyer..., child of divorce, silly girl, separate holes, what have you done yet, she'd pick me if you made her, the venom of it all, thoughts of a baby, a lifetime of problems

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    48 mins
  • Would You Be My Friend If I K*lled People??: New Moon
    Nov 6 2025

    Pure art. Pure cinema. Pure depression personified. It's New Moon, babies!


    Talking points: but I want it!, a bad job of hallucinating, calling his house 30 times a day, standard or bare minimum, a reason for love, annoying happy people, the bizarre feeling of Twilight, something that unites us, let me get this garbage

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    54 mins
  • You HAVE To Go To Jacksonville: Twilight
    Oct 21 2025

    It took us 100 years to release this, but it's finally here and still in hoa hoa hoa hoa hoa season: the TWILIGHT episode. We will be covering the whole series, jsyk.


    Talking points: we can do anything for an hour, toxic & insane, the vessel to get to Edward, let a girl get a plate, exotic enchiladas, what if we turned the lights off, bad cops, you don't look 5.

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    1 hr and 1 min
  • The Scam of Men: The Materialists
    Sep 20 2025

    BONUS BB! We promise you this one is worth the wait you didn't know you were going through. We are finally telling you our thoughts on The Materialists.

    Honestly this ep is not very funny, but it's very real. Buckle. Up.


    Talking points: we're lucky to have Pedro, nightmare cinematography, does romance exist, incel arguments, 3am meetings you don't have, grandchildren aren't romantic, russian roulette, never met a mean woman


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    36 mins