In this episode, Rosie Moss speaks with Stuart J Green, author of The Regenerative Leap, whose story of love, loss and survival is almost impossible to comprehend, and yet deeply human.

Stuart takes us back to a life built in the Philippines, where he met his wife Maya, a brilliant lawyer, mother, and woman deeply committed to justice. Their love story is rich with humour, culture and connection. And then, in a moment of unimaginable violence, everything changes.

Maya is murdered in broad daylight, ambushed in her car while picking up their children from school. What follows is a story that will stop you in your tracks. A mother’s final act of protection. Children who survive against all odds. And a father who must hold it all together while his world collapses.

Together, Rosie and Stuart explore what happens next. The immediate aftermath. The fear. The decision to flee the country within days. And the reality of arriving back in the UK as a suddenly single parent to three traumatised children.

They talk about:

Survivor’s guilt and what it means to be “the one left behind”

• Raising children after extreme trauma and telling them the truth over time

• The anger children feel, and where it lands

• The strange isolation of being a widowed parent, especially as a dad

• The power of routine, even when everything feels impossible

• And the idea that grief doesn’t just break you, it can also rebuild you

Stuart shares how he deliberately chose not to look back at his grief until his children were stable, and what happened when he finally opened those journals years later. From that came his book, and a framework for navigating life after devastation.

At the heart of this conversation is a powerful reframe. Not resilience. Not “getting back to who you were”. But regeneration. The idea that after the fire, something new can grow.

This is an episode about the worst thing happening… and what comes after.

About raising children through grief.

About love that protects, even in the final moment.

And about finding a way forward when there is no map.

If this episode resonates, sharing it or leaving a review helps other widows find it.

https://www.regenerateleap.com/

In this episode Rosie Moss is joined by writer and lifelong music obsessive Cath Holland. Cath brings her husband Andy vividly to life, a thoughtful, principled “music buff” whose love of records, gigs and humour carried them through 25 years together and somehow held on right until the end.

The conversation begins in the life before. Liverpool gig scenes, record shops, and a shared vinyl collection built over decades. Cath still laughs remembering the moment Andy first asked her out, by ringing her landline like it was 1987.

Then comes the rupture. Cath walks Rosie through the brutal speed of Andy’s bowel cancer diagnosis. The failed prep. The endless hospital wait. Being told there was an “84% chance” of cancer just days before Christmas. Early reassurances quickly turned into the reality of stage four disease.

Together they talk about the parts people rarely say out loud. Stomas, infections, DNAR conversations, and the relentlessness of becoming a carer while watching the person you love slip away. Cath also speaks about the strange intimacy of keeping someone at home after they die.

From there the conversation moves into the long tail of grief. Funerals. Ashes sitting on a shelf surrounded by Beatles books. The support cliff that arrives after everyone goes home. And the exhausting work of rebuilding a future that was never meant to be yours.

This is a conversation about love, music, caregiving, class, and the quiet endurance required to keep going when the soundtrack of your life suddenly stops.

In this episode:

• How Cath and Andy’s relationship was built through music, Liverpool gigs, record collecting and the rituals that still anchor her now.

• The diagnostic timeline that still feels unreal: repeat endoscopies, a dread filled wait, and being told there was an “84% likelihood” of cancer days before Christmas.

• Medical whiplash and systemic failure when tumours initially shrank but surgery was later ruled out because hospital teams weren’t communicating properly.

• What “dying at home” can actually look like, from hospice at home support and syringe drivers to district nurses and the decision to stay out of hospital in the final week.

• Small moments of joy when there is no bucket list, including record shopping, Saturday lunches and comfort music from The Beatles and Creedence.

• After death: the funeral as a rare moment of collective support, a Beatles shrine for the ashes, and the quiet bubble before telling the world.

• The secondary losses people rarely talk about including work, identity, grief brain and the physical impact of prolonged stress and caregiving.

• The kind of support that actually helps bereaved people and the things well meaning friends often get wrong.

A beautiful, honest conversation about music, love, caregiving and the long echo of loss.

Chapters

0:07 Welcome + Kath and Andy: a life built on music

6:50 From first symptoms to diagnosis: the long, frightening wait

9:54 Treatment twists: radiotherapy, chemo hope, then stage four

12:44 Palliative care, hospice, and choosing home

18:59 Living inside terminal illness: day-to-day love, fear, and admin

26:07 The last weeks and days: care at home, music, and the moment of death

37:04 What happens next: overnight at home, funeral, ashes, and keeping love close

42:59 The fallout: isolation, practical help, money, class, and work after loss

64:29 Rebuilding a life: identity, exhaustion, joy, and messages for the newly widowed

#widowedaf #widowhood #griefpodcast #bereavement #hospicecare #palliativecare #cancerjourney #endoflifeplanning #griefandmoney #workingclassvoices

This week on Widowed AF, Rosie is joined by LA-based comedian Sam Morrison, whose life changed forever when his partner Jonathan died from Covid in 2021.

Sam is currently in London performing his critically acclaimed show Sugar Daddy, a wildly funny, deeply personal comedy about love, loss and everything that comes after. What started as grief eventually found its way onto the stage, proving that sometimes you can’t make sense of tragedy… but you can make jokes about it.

Rosie and Sam talk about meeting their partners, navigating loss at a young age, and the strange club nobody wants to join. They also get into dark humour, grief counselling, dating after loss, audience reactions to comedy about death, and why sometimes laughter is the only way through.

Expect conversations about gay bear festivals, cruise ship comedy gigs, grief guilt, autoimmune diagnoses after trauma, and the awkward reality of trying to explain “my partner who died” in everyday conversation.

It’s a thoughtful, funny and refreshingly honest chat about grief, resilience and carrying the people we love forward with us.

Sam’s show Sugar Daddy is running at the Underbelly in Soho, London from 5 March to 4 April.

Find tickets and tour dates at samuelhmorrison.com @samuelhmorrison

If you enjoyed this episode, please follow, rate and review the podcast. It really helps other widowed people find us.

You can also find Rosie on Instagram @widowedaf or at widowedaf.com.

As always… take care of yourselves, and each other.

0:02 Meet Sam Morrison + ‘Sugar Daddy’ arrives in London

3:04 The love story: meeting Jonathan and falling in fast

7:17 The rupture: losing Jonathan to COVID (and surviving the pandemic)

9:57 Finding language, finding help: support networks + queer widowhood

18:22 Building ‘Sugar Daddy’: turning grief into a show (and taking the hits)

28:03 Grief in the body + love after loss

35:37 Living with the long tail: time, milestones, sobriety, success-guilt

41:41 Spirituality, signs, and the wish for one more conversation

45:50 Final plugs + goodbye: dates, links, community

#widowedaf #griefandloss #covidgrief #queergrief #griefhumor #darkhumor #bereavement #griefsupport #sugardaddyshow #standupcomedy