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Caffeine is the most widely consumed psychoactive substance on earth — and somehow it's still got two extremely loud camps screaming past each other. On one side: the wellness-bro "caffeine destroys your adrenals, drink my mushroom latte" crowd. On the other: the guy on TikTok who takes 800 milligrams a day and wants you to up your dose. Both of them are wrong. Both of them are extremely entertaining.

In this episode, Zoë and Kylee dig into how caffeine actually works, the adenosine receptor science, the performance research, the optimal dosing for endurance athletes, and what it's actually doing to your sleep, hormones, and anxiety levels (spoiler: more than you think, less than the fear-mongers claim). They trace the history of human caffeine consumption from ancient China to Sufi monks using coffee as a pre-workout for night prayer, through the Enlightenment coffee houses that accidentally invented capitalism, all the way to a 300-milligram neon energy drink with a skull on it.

There's also a full breakdown of the pre-workout industry's stimulant escalation problem, why adrenal fatigue isn't a real diagnosis, how your menstrual cycle affects caffeine metabolism, and whether the caffeine taper before a race is actually worth the two weeks of misery.

Plus: the 1904 Olympic Marathon featured rat poison, brandy, and a man who hitched a ride in a car for 11 miles. Dry scooping sent multiple people to the hospital. And "energy is a choice" is not a peer-reviewed finding.

We cover it all.

This episode is supported by rabbit — use code YOURDIETSUCKS10 at runinrabbit.com/collections/womens-new for a discount on their trail line. By Osmia Skincare — use code YDS20 at osmiaskincare.com for 20% off. By Tailwind Nutrition at tailwindnutrition.com. And by Microcosm Coaching at microcosm-coaching.com.

Get "Carb Slut" and "Petty and Scientifically Literate" merch here!

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Diet culture is really good at one thing: finding the places people go to belong, and nesting inside them. This episode follows that instinct back to one of its oldest sources, the American evangelical church. Zoë and Kylee are joined by Leslie Schilling, RDN, CSSD, sports dietitian, eating disorder specialist, and author of Feed Yourself, to trace how food, bodies, and spiritual worthiness got so tangled together, and what it costs the people caught inside that tangle.

From Pope Gregory's taxonomy of gluttony in the sixth century to Rick Warren's Daniel Plan weigh-ins, "your body is a temple" taken wildly out of context, and why eating disorders tied to religious identity are among the hardest to treat. You don't have to have ever set foot in a church to have received this transmission.

Support Your Diet Sucks on Patreon for bonus episodes, weekly threads, recipes, and AMA access: patreon.com/yourdietsucks.

This episode is brought to you by rabbit — use code YDSMARCH10 for 10% off at rabbit.com. Osmia Skincare — code YDS20 for 20% off at osmiaskincare.com. Tailwind Nutrition — code YOURDIET20 for 20% off at tailwindnutrition.com. And Microcosm Coaching — book a free consultation at microcosm-coaching.com.

Get "Carb Slut" and "Petty and Scientifically Literate" merch here!

Whole30 has sold millions of books, built a coaching empire, and partnered with Chipotle and Walmart — all without a single peer-reviewed clinical trial. In this episode, Zoë traces the program from its origin on a CrossFit blog in 2009 to its multi-million dollar licensing ecosystem, digs into the loaded vocabulary (sugar dragons, tiger blood, sex with your pants on), and examines what happened when a nutrition science student fact-checked all 450 citations in It Starts With Food. Kylee breaks down how real elimination diets work, why this one poses specific risks for athletes, and what the plant-based Whole30 contradiction reveals about whether the rules were ever based on science at all.

Support Your Diet Sucks on Patreon for bonus episodes, weekly threads, recipes, and AMA access: patreon.com/yourdietsucks.

This episode is brought to you by rabbit — use code YDSMARCH10 for 10% off at rabbit.com.

Osmia Skincare — code YDS20 for 20% off at osmiaskincare.com.

Tailwind Nutrition — code YOURDIET20 for 20% off at tailwindnutrition.com.

And Microcosm Coaching — book a free consultation at microcosm-coaching.com.