A sweet, elderly gentleman, David Lo Pan (James Hong), simply wants a date. He has a reasonable kink, green eyes. People laugh at him. Can’t a (evil sorcerer) romantic find happiness? Meanwhile, Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) hangs out with his friend Wang (Dennis Dun) for a long night of drinking and an early airport run. Wang loses his love. Jack also loses his love, his truck. So much trouble! Is this story more about Chinese mysticism and world ending consequences or an old man’s attempt at love? RTS learns that there might not be an “off switch” on the Lo Pan lamp. It’s a thing! Jeremy saddles up and rustles up a “firm” howdy to Gracie Law (Kim Cattrall). La-Mar samples the cuisine over at Uncle Chu’s (Chao Li Chi). Positive reviews! Collin teams up with Egg Shen (Victor Wong) and uses five out of the six demons in the bag. You better watch out; he’s got one left for you! Brent brews and serves some gourd juice. You will now become smoke and dream. It will get, um, interesting. Check out this amazing John Carpenter flick! You need to remember that “you were not brought upon this world to ‘get it’” and listen to the Porkchop Express. Green flames!

Easter is upon us! Everybody, run! Cole Hillman (Rory Calhoun) is getting sick and tired of bunnies (yes, cute and amazing bunnies) digging up his ranch. He is directed to get some help from a researcher at the local college. When researcher Roy Bennett (Stuart Whitman) isn’t harassing bats in a cage, he’s injecting rabbits with serums. Crazy serums! Things go wrong, and, now, these mutated rabbits are large and in charge! Roy’s wife, Gerry (Janet Leigh), at least has a road flare for defense. RTS befriends all the rabbits. It was destiny! Mike somehow got lepused! Jeremy hangs out with captain Billy in a fun shack. La-Mar plans to “blow three holes” with the help of Elgin Clark (DeForest Kelley). It’s the only way to get the job done! Collin creates an electric train track trap. It’s like Mouse Trap but for giant, angry buns. Don’t let the mutant Lepus get you this Easter. Make it more about hidden egg scavenger hunts and marshmallow and chocolate goodies.

Frank Devereaux (Terry O’Quinn) loves betting on stuff. Don’t really know why and with what funds, but he’s dug himself into a debt hole. Now, a bunch of drug dealing Reno bad guys kidnap his son, Billy (Brandon Call), and force Frank to make ground up Smurf dust. Kinda like Gargamel’s Breaking Bad. Enter: Nick Parker (Rutger Hauer). He served in Vietnam with Frank. Nick lost his sight there, but he has been spending his time training as a swordsman. Acorn squash beware! Now, he’s back in the states with his sword cane, and he’s going to knock around plenty of skulls as he rides around on buses with Billy. RTS learns how to clean up your eyebrows and neck beard with a gentle swish of a sword. Jeremy electrifies us all with his sparking death hot tub. La-Mar was told that his “butter knife ain’t gonna stop no bullet.” Oddly, it does. It stops many bullets – and it helps butter his bread. Is Bruce Lee’s brother showing up to this?