When I nurture myself as the loved one, lovable and loving,

then my loved ones gather close around me.

If I indulge separation, I feel desolate,

looking around with these eyes I am all alone

Do the dakini tantras and then do nothing,

Sahaja, spontaneous wisdom

Cultivate bliss and sexual energy to balance feminine intuition

and masculine intellect in the union of polarities

We have the same wound. the wanting to put a piece of chocolate

in the mouth because of anxiety, emotion or a desire frustrated,

the wanting to have sex . It is the same oral impulse.

Patience, patience, the healing progresses,

we foster intentional nourishment in the anguish of core wounds,

not being seen or acknowledged and at once being violated,

the impulse to be invisible is strong.

The master came to me in the cave, while sitting in meditation.

We vibrated together, swam in the ocean of love

and torrents of karma, shame, fear and conflicted emotion

poured out of me, and off me, like a monsoon rain.

If there is no self, then where does the wanting come from,

the motivation for anything, the prayer for more life?

There may be no self on the level of the Absolute, but way in deep,

so close to the no thing of God, there is an oversoul,

the fractal which manifests down along the chain of density from

the very subtle finally into the human self, which must be considered

and navigated through, it’s profound captaincy on the relative level.

Dried brown pointed leaf, poked me through an opening

in the sandal of my left foot, as I danced upon the body of the Mother in the fading evening light, stay awake! Eight offering goddesses,

all dancing beautifully, we offer to the protectors

to send back the negative energies, to keep the way open

for sustenance and wisdom and fruition of deepest desires.

Matcha latte, it is so emerald green, like the swift savioress,

like the tablets of Thoth the Atlantean, like drinking fresh spring grasses foamy with your milk,

like the foam on the sand as the waves reach up, shake vigorously and then let go,

leaving their ghosts behind

Things are only forbidden when we try to take without asking,

so we humbly bow and request to turn the wheel,

we travel into the heart and make offerings, freely and generously

There is the experience of fever, terrible pain in the face,

teeth and eyes, the crucifixion, and then there is the terrible fear

of being incapacitated, no ability in this moment to engage

with the outside world, people, places or things.

Angels of Mercy.

everything is either a preparation for the union or the union itself.

now just walking. Every moment is an initiatory portal

I shake when I pick up the texts, I shake with my love, my devotion.

I can’t believe that I have the text right here. I received it

in the proper way. I can see how the teachings were stolen in the past, taken without being given. there is fear, guilt and shame, Some misuse. Somehow he and I participated together. Secret teachings gone awry. confessing and atoning, that is complete. now I walk in the light of day with my love of the teachings and my love of him.

I request the blessing to turn the wheel of dharma

my pure intention for this, for the union with him

the fire of the dakini in the belly melts the concrete view of reality

in the head, and the lotus of compassion grows

in the lake of emptiness that results

every dakini is an electron, orbiting around

the central nucleus of true essence, inchoate Plenitude,

every Buddha has four dakinis, or 10,000, implacable peacefulness, generous guru.

I am guru, I am dakini , the yidam, secret lover,

the one who loves, the one who is beloved, the truest love story

Coming into alignment is an automatic detoxification, purification,

a kind of clash, as the darkness emerges and meets the light,

it comes out swinging and spitting, hitting and grabbing.

More learning, letting it arise without taking over.

Peace, be still, and know that I am God.

I am the ladder of Jewels for the Buddha’s descent from heaven,

I am the Buddha descending on the ladder down to earth

to offer compassion and the teachings, I am the beings

in each of the six realms of Samsara, who immediately

apprehend each other and are deeply stirred to awaken

I am receptive to a full spectrum of light. I am cross pollinated

by many wisdom teachings disseminated by the wise ones

who come and go like the wind, I honor all perspectives.

I appreciate all the various names that the one God-goddess

has acquired through time and human cultures

I am remembering the golden spine inside of its bony housing.

I always reside in the temple of my body. I make offerings of myself.

I made these offerings to him when he came to me here.

my protection is in discernment, discriminating awareness wisdom,

Padma family of the west, Lotus flower, Kali the red, Magdalena.

my protection is in the respectful honoring of my own unique needs,

in the filling out of my light body, in my protectors,

peaceful and wrathful deities, and Archangels with whom I share a vow my safety and protection and supreme peacefulness are

in the center of the mandala, the center of the four directions

in the center of the Merkaba shared with the Stone people

with attention the performance of automatisms,

actions that are unconscious, begin to fade and disappear.

so do thoughts and images, desires, and ideas, memories,

associations, similarities, and differences

freeing myself from the contracted reality that says

I just have trauma. We can work on that level, tend to it kindly,

we must, but even the heart and dakini bliss opening,

and inner sanctum of mind flooded with light,

can be experienced as suffering when we abide in samsara

The higher we go on the ascension spiral, the deeper we must travel into the underworld to balance the energies.

I do this, and I find him here, we have done this before

We have descended together, and we have risen up

through the pillar of light in my body and his,

into the heavens together before the altar of the holy of holies,

he does not want to make it real on the relative,

but that does not erase my remembering, my recognition,

I let him go, and I grieve, Everything else seems bland and uninteresting

I pray to find the color and sparkle of my own aliveness

without the taste of him. I am, I feel, I need,

I want, I speak, I move, I show myself in safety.

he spoke of the Nature of Mind.