The Session: When Your Spouse is Unfaithful - Part 2

Psalm 51:10-12, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”

After The Affair - 10 Steps Toward Healing, from Leslie Vernick

1. Does the spouse who committed adultery take ownership and repent for his or her choice without blaming?

2. Is there a willingness on the part of the adulterer to do the work of self-examination to understand better what happened and look at the deep heart issues?

3. Is there genuine sorrow for the pain he/she has caused the spouse?

4. Is the adulterous spouse willing to sit with his/her spouse and really listen to the hurt and heartache over this and show compassion, empathy and care no matter how long it takes?

5. Is the injured spouse willing to forgive even if right now he/she doesn’t know how to do that?

6. Is the injured spouse willing to take a hard look at ways he/she may have contributed to neglect in the marriage or other unresolved problems that created emotional distancing to develop?

7. Is the injured spouse willing to be honest with her feelings of sadness, hurt, anger and do the hard work to work through them and move past them?

8. Is the injured spouse willing to acknowledge the positive changes his/her spouse is making toward rebuilding trust and healing the marriage?

9. Is the couple able to tolerate that the healing process goes in fits and starts; it isn’t a smooth ride?

10. Is the spouse who committed adultery willing to be patient with the process as his/her spouse struggles to let it go, gets retriggered with old memories or current reminders, or can’t immediately feel trust or warm feelings for his/her spouse?

Hope Restored Focus on the Family

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: When Your Spouse is Unfaithful

Psalm 51:10-12, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”

Forgive with intelligence

Your spouse cheated. Your trust for them has nearly diminished and there's good reason for that. So, you must act accordingly.

The reason why you're looking for ways to forgive your spouse is because your mind isn't allowing you to.

It's playing scenarios in your head of them doing it again and it pains you.

Does investigating your spouse make you a bad person?

If your spouse gave you reasons to be weary of them? No. They broke your trust. All bets are off.

If they lied and betrayed you, why should they get the privilege of being trusted immediately?

They committed the ultimate love crime. And let's face it, some cheaters just get better at hiding it once they've been caught.

Worriedlovers.com

Before proceeding, you should look for evidence of genuine “godly sorrow” (2 Corinthians 7:10) as opposed to the “worldly sorrow” which simply says, “I’m sorry I got caught.” A key indicator of a godly sorrow would include a willingness on the part of your spouse to talk with a marriage counselor who can assess his vulnerabilities, as well as the weaknesses of your relationship.

Confront Honestly

That’s because you need to meet this challenge from a position of strength and self-assurance.

When you’re ready, arrange a time to sit down and talk with your spouse. Choose a private meeting place where you know you won’t be interrupted. Approach the subject honestly and straightforwardly. The crisis in your marriage is emotionally charged but stay calm and cool. To achieve this, most people need to write out what they are going to say.

Often it is necessary to do a more formal intervention, where several people show up to confront the offending spouse at a designated time without his or her foreknowledge. This formal intervention should not be confused with that of individual people confronting your spouse over time.

Prayerfully consider who these people might be and meet with them together ahead of time so that you can explain your situation and provide them with the important facts.

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: The Impact of Sleep on Our Mental Health

Matthew 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Sleep, Body and Brain

We spend approximately a third of our lives asleep.

• Sleep is an essential and involuntary process, without which we cannot function effectively.
• The body’s fuel is sleep. Without proper sleep, our minds begin to slow, unable to operate at their full potential. This happens until the mind becomes so deprived of the rest it needs, it breaks down. And without the commander-in-chief acting accordingly, the rest of the body pays the price.
• It is as essential to our bodies as eating, drinking and breathing.
• Sleeping helps to repair and restore our brains, not just our bodies.
• During sleep we can process information, consolidate memories, and undergo a number of maintenance processes that help us to function during the daytime.
• Poor sleep over a sustained period leads to a number of problems which are immediately recognizable, including fatigue, sleepiness, poor concentration, lapses in memory, and irritability.
• There is no universal answer to the question of how much sleep a person needs. This varies from person to person. What is important is that people respect themselves enough to find out how much sleep they need and ensure that they achieve it.
• The amygdala is in charge of our emotional responses. But to do its job correctly it needs us to sleep, because that’s the time it’s allocated to process emotion.
• The prefrontal cortex, does as well. The prefrontal cortex does a lot of impressive things. One of which is being “the voice of reason” to our emotions (aka putting the brakes on our amygdala when it’s being a diva). The prefrontal cortex helps control our impulses, attention, inhibition, emotion, and complex learning.

Helps

• Sleep should get as much attention as depression and anxiety prevention gets.
• People with insomnia are 10 and 17 times more likely than those without insomnia to experience clinically significant levels of depression and anxiety, respectively. (National Library of Medicine)

Helpful Sleep Strategies from Mayo Clinic

• Manage Worries
• Try to resolve your worries or concerns before bedtime. Jot down what's on your mind and then set it aside for tomorrow.
• Stress Management might help. Start with the basics, such as getting organized, setting priorities and delegating tasks. Meditation also can ease anxiety.

Sleep killer 1: Anxiety - Compounding the problem is the fact that a lack of sleep can also worsen any anxiety you may be experiencing. (Gale.com)

It shows the importance of managing and working on your anxiety very important.

The Grateful Exercise

Progressive Muscle Strategy

Writing Down The Important things You Will Try To Remember Through The Night

Stick to a sleep schedule

Set aside no more than eight hours for sleep. The recommended amount of sleep for a healthy adult is at least seven hours. Most people don't need more than eight hours in bed to be well rested.

Go to bed and get up at the same time every day, including weekends. Being consistent reinforces your body's sleep-wake cycle.

If you don't fall asleep within about 20 minutes of going to bed, leave your bedroom and do something relaxing. Read or listen to soot

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.