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Fawning

Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves--and How to Find Our Way Back

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Fawning

By: Ingrid Clayton
Narrated by: Ingrid Clayton
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From a clinical psychologist and expert in complex trauma recovery comes a powerful guide introducing fawning, an often-overlooked piece of the fight-flight-freeze reaction to trauma—explaining what it is, why it happens, and how to help survivors regain their voice and sense of self.

Most of us are familiar with the three F's of trauma—fight, flight, or freeze. But psychologists have identified a fourth, extremely common (yet little-understood) response: fawning. Often conflated with “codependency” or “people-pleasing,” fawning occurs when we inexplicably draw closer to a person or relationship that causes pain, rather than pulling away.

  • Do you apologize to people who have hurt you?
  • Ignore their bad behavior?
  • Befriend your bullies?
  • Obsess about saying the right thing?
  • Make yourself into someone you’re not . . . while seeking approval that may never come?

You might be a fawner.

Fawning explains why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems so obvious to others that we should go. And though fawning serves a purpose—it’s an ingenious protective strategy in unsafe situations—it’s a problem if it becomes a repetitive, compulsory reaction in our daily lives.

But here’s the good news: we can break the pattern of chronic fawning, once we see it for the trauma response it is. Drawing on twenty years of clinical psychology work—as well as a lifetime of experience as a recovering fawner herself—Dr. Ingrid Clayton demonstrates WHY we fawn, HOW to recognize the signs of fawning (including taking blame, conflict avoidance, hypervigilance, and caretaking at the expense of ourselves), and WHAT we can do to successfully “unfawn” and finally be ourselves, in all our imperfect perfection. Communication & Social Skills Emotions Love, Dating & Attraction Personal Development Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Thought-Provoking
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Insightful Content • Personal Stories • Pleasant Voice • Practical Tools • Validating Perspective • Reassuring Narration

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Listened to the whole audio and now I’m going to order the physical copy. I feel so seen and validated through this book.

Love this book!

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Dr. Clayton thank you. Fawing is information that you need & are unaware of. Read/Listen

Eye Opening!

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So brilliant and honest. I realized so very much about myself and relational trauma. Dr Clayton was so very vulnerable and I greatly appreciate this. Such a helpful book for a chronic fawner like me.

Highly recommend for fawners

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I SAW myself in so many of her words. I can't say enough good things about this book. I only wish she was right here with me so I could chat with her about it and tell her how much it means to me.

Surprising!

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Understand why you want to make others feel comfortable, okay in order for you to feel okay.

A Must Read!

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