I didn’t realize how much control had a hold on me… until I was put in a space where I couldn’t control anything.

I’m still in 1 Samuel 2:36, and now I see it clearly.

What once had authority over me is showing up asking to be let back in.

And I’m having to say no.

My mind gets it… but my nervous system doesn’t trust it yet.

I’m learning how to feel safe without controlling everything—and it’s uncomfortable.

But one thing I know now:

Control didn’t make me safe. It made my world small.

I’m still in 1 Samuel 2:36… and now I understand why.

God showed up and showed out in my life. At the very last moment, God provided a place for me to live and a stream of income when I had almost nothing.

And somehow… I still want control.

That’s what made me realize—this verse isn’t just about things being taken away. It’s about the parts of me that used to run my life still trying to come back.

For me, that’s control.

Control made me feel safe. It helped me survive. But it also kept me stuck.

Now I’m in a place where I can’t control everything—living with roommates, not having things done my way, not knowing what’s coming next.

And I’m seeing just how deep this goes.

Fear still shows up. The “what ifs” still show up. That need to manage everything still shows up.

But it’s not in charge anymore.

I’m learning what it looks like to actually trust God—not just when I have nothing, but even after God provides.

If you've ever felt like you need control just to feel okay, you are not alone in that.

1 Samuel 2:36 shows what happens after everything changes.

What once had power… doesn’t anymore.

I’m sitting here just days before my lease ends with no clear plan, and the old version of me would have been spiraling, forcing something, creating chaos just to feel safe.

But this time is different.

I’m doing what’s in front of me, letting the rest be unknown, and trusting that I don’t have to control everything to be okay.

This isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about realizing that the patterns that used to run my life no longer have authority over me.