I didn’t realize how much control had a hold on me… until I was put in a space where I couldn’t control anything.

I’m still in 1 Samuel 2:36, and now I see it clearly.

What once had authority over me is showing up asking to be let back in.

And I’m having to say no.

My mind gets it… but my nervous system doesn’t trust it yet.

I’m learning how to feel safe without controlling everything—and it’s uncomfortable.

But one thing I know now:

Control didn’t make me safe. It made my world small.

I’m still in 1 Samuel 2:36… and now I understand why.

God showed up and showed out in my life. At the very last moment, God provided a place for me to live and a stream of income when I had almost nothing.

And somehow… I still want control.

That’s what made me realize—this verse isn’t just about things being taken away. It’s about the parts of me that used to run my life still trying to come back.

For me, that’s control.

Control made me feel safe. It helped me survive. But it also kept me stuck.

Now I’m in a place where I can’t control everything—living with roommates, not having things done my way, not knowing what’s coming next.

And I’m seeing just how deep this goes.

Fear still shows up. The “what ifs” still show up. That need to manage everything still shows up.

But it’s not in charge anymore.

I’m learning what it looks like to actually trust God—not just when I have nothing, but even after God provides.

If you've ever felt like you need control just to feel okay, you are not alone in that.

1 Samuel 2:36 shows what happens after everything changes.

What once had power… doesn’t anymore.

I’m sitting here just days before my lease ends with no clear plan, and the old version of me would have been spiraling, forcing something, creating chaos just to feel safe.

But this time is different.

I’m doing what’s in front of me, letting the rest be unknown, and trusting that I don’t have to control everything to be okay.

This isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about realizing that the patterns that used to run my life no longer have authority over me.

1 Samuel 2:35 talks about God raising up something faithful to replace what couldn’t continue.

For me, that’s meant learning something I’ve avoided my whole life—patience.

With my lease ending, no clear plan yet, and everything in my life requiring me to wait, I’m being forced to stop controlling and start trusting.

I’ve done what I can—packing, selling, interviewing. And now… I wait.

This isn’t peaceful. It’s uncomfortable, frustrating, and completely out of my control.

But maybe this is what it actually looks like to live according to God’s heart and mind—doing your part and letting go of the rest.

1 Samuel 2:35 talks about God raising up something faithful to replace what could no longer continue.

For years my life was run by survival patterns—control, anxiety, trying to fix everything and everyone. But recently I realized something had changed.

With my lease ending and no clear plan yet, the old me would have been spiraling. Instead, I’m doing the only things I can do right now—packing boxes, sending resumes, and trusting God with the rest.

Sometimes faith isn’t about controlling the outcome. Sometimes it’s about doing what’s right in front of you and letting God handle what you can’t see yet.

Sometimes the patterns that helped us survive eventually have to be released.

In this episode, I talk about the difficult part of healing: honoring the survival patterns that once protected us while learning to let them go. Those patterns got us here, but they can’t run the new system God is building in our lives.

Healing isn’t about rejecting who you were. It’s about understanding why those patterns existed, grieving them, and allowing something healthier to take their place.

1 Samuel 2:34

Imagine riding your donkey to deliver a message from God… and realizing you have to tell a priest that both of his sons will die on the same day.

In 1 Samuel 2:34, the unnamed man (aka Bob) delivers one of the most intense parts of the message to Eli. But this verse is about more than judgment — it’s about what happens when warnings are ignored and corruption can’t continue.

In this episode we talk about patterns, warnings we miss in our own lives, and how sometimes things have to end before something healthier can begin.

In 1 Samuel 2:32–33, an unnamed man is sent by God to deliver a message to Eli. I’ve been calling him “Bob,” and the more I reflect on this story, the more I realize something: sometimes God asks us to be Bob.

Not every message from God is dramatic or frightening. Sometimes it’s a simple reminder that someone is loved, worthy, and not alone. In this episode I share a conversation with a friend who believed she didn’t deserve God’s love—and how, in that moment, God used me as the unnamed messenger to remind her that God never stopped loving her.

What if God is asking you to be someone’s Bob today?